


My Tattoo

by CursedbyPhan



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Love Poems, freestyle poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:11:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8680024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CursedbyPhan/pseuds/CursedbyPhan
Summary: This is an original poem I wrote when my best friend decided to mess around with me and left me screwed up. Go to the author's notes for the full story.





	

Nails on a chalk board.  
Your voice echos in my head.  
How is this natural?  
When I can’t remember how to feel  
I don’t understand this feeling  
Is it jealousy?  
Am I really that petty?  
I let you go years ago  
And yet here I am wanting more   
I don’t remember getting this fucked up  
Drown it all in alcohol  
The nerves won’t leave me alone  
I feel like I’m drowning in this dark water  
Your heart won’t let me go  
It’s too enticing.  
When you pull me closer  
I can’t breathe  
And everything is as it should be.  
But the moment you’re gone I’m dead inside  
Why am I dead inside?   
I’m on the other side   
When did this turn into a fight?  
I thought you were by my side  
Is this my fault?  
I don’t know who played all the cards  
Why is this happening to me?  
What the fuck is this mystery?  
I didn’t ask for.  
I didn’t want.  
Who gave you the right to do this to me?  
I don’t remember giving you permission to fuck me up  
Down my sorrows with the bittersweet taste   
With the lies I tell myself  
The ones that keep me from falling apart  
I don’t know who I am anymore  
What am I even fighting for?  
I can’t tell anymore  
This broken heart has got all the pieces  
Get some tape in hopes it won’t break  
As it hits the floor   
When I see you with her   
And I’m reminded I was just the whore  
That side girl.  
The one no one wants.  
The one who’s been there for years   
Supporting you  
Keeping you up and tuning you   
Like a craftsman to his works of art  
Because I love you like a friend  
Or maybe it’s different?  
Somehow the lines got blurred  
When we lay on the couch  
And the only thing I can think about  
Is you holding me close   
Because it’s always been you  
And that scares me.  
I’m scared of commitment.  
What will this do to us?  
I don’t know.  
And that’s the scariest part of all.  
But it hurts when I watch you with her.  
I feel like I’m replaced.  
Even though you say that’s not the case  
I feel myself being erased  
From the stage you call life  
And I can’t compete in this talent show of flukes  
That somehow I entered without knowing  
So now I’m all alone  
And all I can think about is what you’re doing   
With her.  
Is she like me?  
Or better?  
And here I thought you were the only one  
And I the only one for you.  
What the fuck is wrong with me?  
When did this pain become my tattoo?

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn’t phan related, but I’m going through a really hard time right now. Writing this and sharing it with you all makes me feel a whole lot better and less helpless. The gist of the situation is that I first met my best friend of six years when we started dating. After seven months, I broke up with him because I fell out of love and decided I wanted him to be my best friend instead. After many trials, he became my best friend, and I his, and we were inseparable. He had many girlfriends since me and that never ruined anything. I’m a year older and going off to college was a strain on our relationship. So when I came back for the summer we hung out a lot and got even closer. In the process, we may have accidentally kissed and messed around a bit. We decided it was a mistake and we both went back to college still very close. Then he became friends with a girl who seemed to nudge her way between us. I could hardly Skype, call, or even text him without her being there to interrupt. When we came back for break, it was nice to get alone time. But while hanging out, we started holding hands, cuddling, and kissing and only hours before he confessed he had been dating that one girl for three months. He told me things came naturally between us compared to them and he was in an open relationship which is unlike him. He convinced me to keep this thing going. But now she’s in town to meet his family for Thanksgiving dinner, and I don’t know what to do. So this feestyle sort of poem expresses how I feel and how I’m not sure what I should be feeling. A low key part of me really wants to just send this to him but that’s probably a bad idea. I’ll be back to posting my original phan stuff tomorrow. I just needed to feel like I had someone to talk to. ~ Rose
> 
>  
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments, questions, and suggestions!~  
> You can find me on Tumblr and Wattpad as CursedbyPhan! ~~


End file.
